02 January 2014


I rode Metra today. I'm starting to wish I'd biked, because if half The Chainlink is to be believed, everyone who was not stranded and pissed off by the Divvy shutdown is a recreational pussy who just doesn't get what REAL Chicago cycling is all about. No, REAL Chicago cyclists ride their OWN bikes all winter, you whiny motherfrakers. Just... not today. (It was the wind. Oh god, the wind.) Or Monday. Or next Monday.

Next Monday's daytime high is predicted to be negative ass, with a windchill of negative *&^%$#@. I don't think the lab next to ours is even going to show up next Monday. There were (somewhat hopeful) rumors that the university may even close altogether. I feel like I should remember the last time it was so freaking cold that universities closed altogether, but if it occurred while I was semi-unemployed, then quite possibly I failed to notice.

Next Monday someone on The Chainlink will complain about PBLs iced over with the frozen tears of CDOT crews who spent New Year's trying to keep them clear, which is completely unacceptable, and if you just layer correctly it's totally fine outside for biking umpteen miles to work, and where the hell are all these pussies from, anyway, are they recreational or something?

I hate winter.

01 January 2014


I can't even get Cupcake's rear wheel onto Fullmetal because because Fullmetal's tiny derailleur won't fit around Cupcake's enormous cassette. Yes, I do need to get laid, but that's not the point. The point is that THEY'RE DIFFERENT and I'm not making it up.

In the meantime, Cupcake is running Fullmetal's mangled, mismatched wheels because Fullmetal's Vittoria Randonneur Trail tires are simply the only ones I will trust in the damn snow, but it's seemingly impossible to purchase those anywhere in this city anymore, and I'm too lazy to swap the tires around, and the last time I tried to change Cupcake's tires by myself was a disaster anyway.

So now I have a $1100 Frankenbike and $1100 worth of bike parts that don't fit together. And a pair of practically new stock tires wedged behind the refrigerator. And a folding bike in the closet that hasn't seen daylight in about four years. And about a dozen bike lights in various stages of falling apart, a whole milk crate full of accessories I don't use anymore or never did, and no boyfriend to unload any of this shit onto or laugh in a juvenile fashion at my double entendres.

28 December 2013

It was Dragon's Milk.

12 December 2013

An idea

I invent a machine that can knit a sweater with stitches so small the human eye cannot detect them. I call it a Retina Sweater and see whether or not Apple sues me.

04 December 2013

I love artificially high speed limits!

"There are an artificially large number of stop signs."

"That red light was artificially long."

"This street is artificially wide."

"The Milwaukee Avenue PBL is artificially closed for construction."

"Watch out, you just artificially opened your door without looking!"

"There are too many people artificially parked in the bike lane."

"I insist on keeping my bike inside this artificial storage closet."

03 December 2013


I hate winter. Winter is when it happened.

I think I will have to go through this every winter.

I am frightened sometimes by how angry I still am at him.

17 November 2013

Weather or not?

My phone has been chiming at me all day with watches and warnings, and once even squawked like the old Emergency Broadcast System with an alert about imminent flash flooding. (I didn't even know my phone could do that.)

All I can see outside is that the ground is somewhat damp, presumably from last night, and it's especially windy. Oh wait, now there's thunder. Well, thanks for all the advance warning, I guess.

This building has no basement, and already seems likely to fall apart any moment. I should put some shoes on.

15 November 2013

I rode public trans today and it sucked

Last night at, well, it must have been just after midnight. I'm cold, tired, and grumpy because the experiment I stayed in the lab all night to finish turned out to be a miserable failure, and on top of that the goddamned wind is blasting out of the goddamned south AGAIN. The wind is always north in the morning and south at night. Always. Always. I don't know how or why. It makes me want to live in Evanston just so I don't have to put up with the goddamned wind anymore.

Anyway, so it's well after midnight and I'm cold, tired, grumpy, a miserable failure, and not going anywhere at all quickly, and right there at Oakwood (it's always Oakwood) I scream "WHY AM I DOING THIS?!"

So today I took public transportation, and not only did it take me forever, but I must have encountered every transient from here to Streeterville. Of course I must have money and upperclass guilt to spare. I'm a white woman in a nice coat, how could I not?

Occasionally I forget why I'd rather die than ride the bus---and then I ride the bus. Bus, I haven't needed you for six years. Let's keep it that way. That goes for you too, Metra. Cut the price of the 10-ride pass back to what it was before, and then we can talk, but until then I'm still mad at you and hate you.

04 November 2013

Once again, I fail to understand Normal People

Normal People saw Gravity and thought it was boring.

I don't even... Did we all watch the same movie? I don't think I've felt so terrified in a movie theater since Jurassic Park. Well, I was eleven, and the raptors were very realistic for the times. It was a while before I was able to eat Jell-O again.

I was reminded of a conversation I had once, when I was asked whether, given the chance, I'd go into space now (well, then, but it was now), knowing that I might very well die. "No," I had replied without hesitation. "What about you?" "Oh, absolutely." I accepted that response without ever understanding it. There were many such.

Recently I entertained a foolish notion: Seeing as how my life, or at least my career ambition, seemed to be coming full circle to that of the flaming nerd who once went off to IMSA, would it not be the ultimate irony to be sent into space someday to do some particular thing because I was the only person who could do it. And of course I would, because, well, somebody has to, but I'm the only one who can, so that's that. And so there'd I'd be. In space. Working.

There would have to be exceptional circumstances, of course, but as I said, it was a foolish notion. Those are the kinds of things that only happen in movies.

Perhaps that's why I was so terrified. That was me.

Anyway, you should see Gravity. Understand and accept at the outset that an astronaut is stranded in space and that is pretty much the extent of the plot, and there is no possible way that you could be disappointed. Unless you're normal or something, I guess.

30 October 2013

I always wonder

When a National Weather Service statement says this or that event was reported by a trained spotter... was it you?